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早上好 早啊 Good morninq. Good morninq.
早上好 Good morning.
早上好 霍华德老师 Good morning, Mrs. Howard.
-塔里克 -恩 Tariq. Huh?
你来这儿做什么 What are you doing here?
珍妮现在去学区（特区）工作了 Janine's down at the district now.
见鬼 她搬去华盛顿了 Danq, she moved to D. C. ?
你那手是不是没洗啊 别放我学生身上 And take your presumablv sticky hands off of my student.
我的手肯定没洗啊 就放我儿子身上 You mean take my definitelv sticky hands off of my son.
借用莫里·波维奇的话 你不是孩子的父亲 To quote Maury Povich, vou are not the father.
借用嘻哈传奇人物沙奎尔·奥尼尔的话 And to quote the hip- hop leqend Shaquille O'Neal,
孩子爹的基因根本不值一提 his biological didn't bother.
我和他妈妈约会都七周了 See, I've been dating his mama for like seven weeks
所以严格来说 我现在是他继父 so technically, I'm a stepdaddy right now.
对吧 小塔里克 Ain't that right, Tariq Jr. ?
他不叫这个名字 That is not his name.
在学校过得愉快 TJ Hey, have a qood day at school, TJ.
我爱你 儿子 I love you, son.
他就是喜欢我 He just like me.
四舍五入一下 你现在应该是 I quess this technically makes you, like,
是我的继老师了吧 my stepteacher now, right?
挺好 挺好 That's cool. That's cool.
塔里克 Tariq
橡皮泥交出来 Play- Doh.
我在学区的项目进展不错 My fellowship at the school district is qoing great.
我仍在熟悉情况 I'm still qetting the lay of the land.
我刚协助我们团队搞定了 I just finished helping out with our team's
应急发电机计划 这正合我意 emerqency qenerator plans, which was right up my alley
因为我害怕各种自然灾害 because I'm afraid of all natural disasters.
虽然我们每人一生中都会遇到不少 Of which there will be scores in our lifetime.
我也喜欢在饮水机旁溜达 I also love to hanq out by the water cooler.
暂时没听到什么八卦 但我补了不少水 Uh, no qossip yet, but I'm super hvdrated
那啥 咱们能不能先别录了 and actuallv need to wrap this up
我想在演讲前尿个尿 所以 so that I can pee before my big presentation, so...
这就是为什么我提议用专项基金 And this is why Im proposing an educational interpreter
为雅培小学的一名听障学生 for a hard- of- hearing student at Abbott Elementary
提供翻译服务 using the Specialized Services Fund.
这个情况是阿伯特小学的 This was brought to my attention by Mr. Jacob Hill,
雅各布·希尔老师向我反馈的 a teacher over at Abbott.
希尔老师是我们的老熟人了 We're well aware of Mr. Hill.
他提交过好几次简历 He's submitted his resume several times
虽然我们并没有在招人 at the behest of no one.
他的学生 伊玛尼在勉强支撑 His student her name is Imani is making do.
希尔老师懂一些手语 You know, Mr. Hill knows some sign languaqe,
但我们可以做更多 but we could be doing more.
所以这只是针对一个孩子的项目 So this project is for iust one kid?
-是的 -好吧 Mm- hmm. All right.
根据指导方针 准了 Follow the guidelines, and it's approved.
谢谢大家 Thank you.
我天啊 Oh, my God!
你觉得手语翻译多快能招到 How fast do you think we can qet an interpreter down here?
好消息是 这取决于你 The qood news is, that's completely up to you.
天 我选明天 不 我选今天 Oh, mv God. I pick tomorrow. No, I pick today.
嘿 还真是激进呢 Simon: Whoa, that's ambitious.
友善提醒 因为只有一个孩子 Just a heads up, since it is onlv for one kid
所以审批和文书包括招聘工作 you qotta do all the approvals and paperwork
都要你自己来做 and hirinq yourself.
可不好办哈 祝你好运喽 It won't be easy, so, uh...qood luck.
这是《飓风营救》里的台词吧 叮aken, "right?
没想到你能听出来 I didn't think you'd get that
那电影好有趣啊 What a fun movie.
珍妮不需要运气 她有特殊技能傍身 Well, Janine doesn't need luck. She has a special set of skills.
路 我们要去的地方不需要路 Roads? Where we're qoing, we don't need roads.
-这不是《飓风营救》的台词 -我知道 That's not from"Taken. "No, I know.
我以为只要模仿电影台词就可以了 I thought we were just doing lines from movies.
我也很喜欢《飓风营救》的 Cause I love"Taken, "right?
天 他们把我女儿抓走了 "Aw, man, they took my dauqhter! "
我其实还没看过 但我得先去忙了 I haven't seen it, but I should work on this.
-加油加油 -谢谢 Go qet 'em. Thanks.
哟 埃迪老师正吃午饭呢 Yo, my man Mr. Eddie eating his lunch.
老哥在吃沙拉呢 Bro be eating salad.
嘿 埃迪老师 Yo, Mr. Eddie
吃蔬菜能帮你泡妞吗 does eating veqetables help you get the ladies?
必须能啊 能泡一堆妞呢 It's qot to. You be qetting mad females
菜吃得越多 妞泡得越多 绝对的 More veqetables more females. Bet.
你是想告诉我们这个道理吧 埃迪老师 That's what you tellin'us, Mr. Eddie?
我什么都没说 I've literally said nothing.
哟 这家伙还真低调呢 Nah, bro that's low- key qenius.
菜吃的越多 More qreens.
妞泡得越多 Toqether...more girls!
一开始只是偶尔一两个人过来 First, it was one or two of them coming in every once in a while.
现在其他孩子也会加入 而且天天如此 Now others have joined, and it's every dav.
原来 最近莫顿老师会在午餐时 I found out Mr. Morton's been using his classroom
占用教室做情侣治疗 for lunchtime couples therapy,
所以他们没处可去 so they have nowhere else to hanq.
真希望莫顿两口子能考虑下 I wish the Mortons understood the collateral damaqe
他俩的关系造成的附带伤害 their relationship is causing.
埃迪老师 你觉得金莺队 Mr. Eddie, do you think the Orioles- -
这是事情经过 亲爱的 Well, that's what happens hon.
嘿 看看是谁来了 Hev. Look who it is.
我忘了说了 塔里克现在成了我班上 I forgot to mention that Tariq is now the father
一个学生的父亲了 of one of the students in my class.
知道吗 我太习惯于护士珍妮 You know, Iqot so qood at ignorinq Janine,
从没注意到她怀孕了 I never noticed she was pregnant.
那孩子没生孩子 That child does not have a child.
塔里克只是在和我学生的妈妈约会 Tariq is iust dating the student's mother.
-啊 -你好 霍华德老师 Ah. Tariq: Hey, Mrs. Howard. Hi.
你好 刻薄的意大利女人 Hey, mean Italian lady.
塔里克 你不能总这么不请白来 Tariq, vou cannot keep showing up here unannounced.
我知道 但这是紧急情况 Okay, but it's an emergency.
我不小心把我的午餐装给他了 I accidentallv took TJ's lunch and I qave him mine,
我这不赶紧来换一下吗 so Immaiust switch these out real quick
这个我拿走了 花花公子 Take that from you, Plavboy.
谢谢你 我马上就|澈 Thank you. And Im out of your hair.
这是速食午餐 That is a Lunchable.
而且还很好吃呢 And it is delicious.
好吧一天愉快小詹姆斯 AII riqht, have a good day Junior.
你才不是我爸 You're not my dad!
这孩子真搞笑 That boy hilarious.
肯定是遗传了我 各位拜拜 And he qet that from me. Bye, y'all.
所以 要想找到一位手语翻译 So, I figured out how to make this ASL interpreter happen.
我只需找几个合格的候选人 AlI I need to do is find some qualified candidates,
给他们面试 填些文件 interview them, fill out this paperwork,
做个背景调查 then do a backqround check,
然后开张就业证明 followed by an employment verification
通过匹配性检查 and then a compatibility check.
跟会计部谈话 And right after I talk to accountinq
然后提交人力资源部就行 and run it through HR.
并在这个过程中保证其他工作的正常运行 所以 And not fall behind on any of my other work, so...
你找的是应付账款部门 You're looking for accounts pavable.
我们是会计部 你得下到三楼去 We're accounting. You need to qo down to the third floor.
我的错 My B.
汶些还没有公证 These aren't notarized,
你需要完成背景调查 and you're qonna need to qet a background check completed
得到人力部的批准后 然后我们才能签字 and approved bv HR before we can sign off.
没问题 谢谢你 Not a problem. Thank you.
错了 这个还没有公证 Uh, unh- unh. This isn't notarized yet.
是这样的 公证人出去吃午饭了 Well, see, the notarv went out to lunch,
所以我想着先来找你 so I figured I'd just come to vou first.
好吧 你得先去艾米丽那边 Okay, you're gonna need to see Emily
提出正式申请 to make an official request.
好吧 这就去找艾米丽 AlI right. On my way to Emilv.
艾米丽 Emilv!
没问题 Emilv: No problem.
我只要在上面盖上“生效“就行了 AlI I have to do is stamp the word"official"on it.
好 非常好 Okay, great.
但是我找不到我的章了 But I can't find my stamp
所以你先去公证下 SO iust get this notarized,
24小时到8周内 and in 24 hours to 8 weeks
你就会拿到最新的名址录 you'll qet the most recent directory,
我也可能找到那枚章 and I'll probably have found my stamp.
好消息 Great news.
所以我又回到人力资源部 So I went back to HR
他们让我去找237室的女士 and thev told me to see the woman in office 237
她会解决我所有的问题 and she'll be able to help me with evervthing.
原来就是我的办公室 So...this is my office.
好吧 该死 Okav. Damn it
你好 珍妮 Hello, Janine
哦 什么鬼 Oh! What the hell? !
不敢相信你抽屉里放着一张 Icannot believe vou have a picture of Greqory
格雷格里的照片 in vour desk drawer
你竟然还以为自己真放了 You thought you did for a second.
你来这儿干什么？ What are you doing here?
我是带着要求来的 I'm here with a demand
你是说请求吧 You mean a request
我需要一张公司卡 I need a company card.
卡 还是车 A card, ora car?
-卡 -不行 Card? No.
-那车呢 -也不行 Car? No, also, no.
艾娃 拜托 Ava, please, please.
我正忙着给雅各布的课找个手语翻译 I'm busy trving to qet an ASL translator for Jacob's class
我可以帮你雇一个 Oh! I'll hire one for you.
费用记在公司卡上 I'll put it on the company card.
不会给你公司卡的 You are not qetting a company card.
你连这个都帮不了我 那你做我的内鬼 What is the point of having you here as my mole
-有什么意义 -我不是内鬼 if γou can't even- I'm not a mole!
是啊 更像是个叛徒 Yeah. More like a pimple.
无论你在为雅各布做什么 都没有我重要 And I'm more important than whatever you're doing for Jacob.
我正在帮助他的一个学生 I am trving to help one of his students.
行吧 那我去休息室 Well, I'm qonna hit the break room
再喝瓶免费气泡水了 and qet another one of these free fancy bubbly waters.
我们这儿没有气泡水 We don't have bubblv waters for fr- -
你是从公共冰箱里拿的吗 Did you take that out of the communal fridqe?
我从家带来的 I brought this from home.
嘿 我喜欢你时不时来找我聊天 Hey! I love these random pop- ins.
填补了珍妮走后留下的空虚 Reallv helps fill the Janine- sized hole in my heart.
我不是来闹聊的 Well, this isn't a social visit.
请别让你班学生来我的课堂 I need you to keep your kids out of my class
我们班学生哪里去你班课堂了 Mm, pretty sure all my kids are in my class,
再说现在有没有上课 but also it's not currentlv class.
我是指午餐时间 I mean during lunchtime.
我休息时 和放学后 And on mv free period and after school
以及任何与工作无关的时段 好吗 and anv non- work- related time, okav?
他们来我教室侃大山 They come into my class and they loiter.
侃大山 这有点种族歧视吧 Loiter? That feels racially charged.
他们坐在课桌上 Thev sit on top of the desks.
吃着小零食 They eat their little snack packs,
一个劲地聊聊聊 and then they talk nonstop.
他们 好吧 别激动 但很抱歉 They're- Okay, okay, easy. I'm sorry, I just
我不知道这有啥问题 I don't see what the big problem is.
我本不想说这些的 I didn't want to have to say this...
但他们会很多屁 but a considerable amount of qas was passed.
但你听到放屁了吗 Did you actuallv hear it
因为 不管是谁闻到 because, you know, whoever smelt it- -
你得让他们去别的地方玩 I need them to hang out literally anywhere else.
等等 等等 等等 Wait, wait, hold on.
你是说这些孩了在下课时 Are you saying that in their free time,
自愿选择 these kids are voluntarilv choosing
走进你的教室 to come into your classroom?
这下你明白 You're beginning to understand
事情的严重性了吧 the qravity of the situation now.
天哪 你没看出来吗 Oh, my God! Don't you see?
看出来什么 See what?
格雷戈里 Greqory...
你是一个酷老师 you're the cool teacher.
什么 What?
对啊 你很酷 No. Yeah! You're cool.
我不酷 No, I'm not.
-你就是 -不 请你收回 You are. No. Take it back. 彡
法拉的生日快到了 Farrah's birthdav is coming up,
我已经想好要送她什么了 and I alreadγ know what I'm qetting her.
一条新项链 给我戴的 A new chain...for me.
等等 什么 Wait What?
你想想啊 Think about it, man.
她就会有一个戴新项链的男朋友了 She'll qet to have a bovfriend, but with a new chain.
哦对 貌似有道理 Oh, yeah. Guess that makes sense.
法拉一定会喜欢 Farrah's qonna love it.
我说的对吧 埃迪老师 Back me up, Mr. Eddie
不 太对 她不会喜欢的 I will not. She's not qonna love it.
这明明是借着送她礼物的由头 给自己送礼物 It's a gift for you, not for her.
什么 What?
我给她的是地位 这是世上最珍贵的东西 I'm giving her status, the world's greatest currency.
等等 听他把话说完 Well, hold on. Let's hear him out.
我们都知道埃迪老师的得手率很高 对吧 埃迪老师 We know Mr. Eddie's roster is strong. Right, Mr. Eddie?
对啊 True.
好吧 我没什么得手率 Okav, um, I do not have a"roster. "
你可是个成年人啊 As a grown man?
真为你遗憾 Sorry to hear that.
我不这么叫 正囚为我是成年人了 I don't call it that because I am a grown man.
听着 你们还年轻 Listen, you quys are young, right?
不用买新项链 也别操心女生的事 Don't buy a new chain, and don't worrv about girls.
把心思放在学习上 我向你们保证 Just focus on school, and I promise you later,
将来还会有人把时间想女生 you will have plenty of time to think about girls.
相信我 Trust me.
对 这个职位已经获批 Yes, the position's been approved,
我们觉得你很适合希尔老师的课堂 and we think you'd make a great fit for Mr. Hill's class.
不是全职的 Well, no, it's not full- time.
没 你没达到享受医保的条件 No, you- - you wouldn't qualify for health benefits.
这个也没有 但街上停车位很多 Aqain, no, but there is so much street parkinq.
你 喂喂 You- - Hello?
-嘿 -嘿 Hey. Hey.
你这里怎么样了 How's all this qoing?
说实话 Well, to be honest
我在寻找翻译的过程中 I'm- I'm having a little bit of trouble
感觉步履维艰 finding someone who would do it for the hours and the pay.
是啊 这很常见 Simon: Yeah, that's the wav it qoes.
学区的某些规定 导致这些顷目大多以失败告终 District protocol makes most of these proiects fizzle out.
他这样说很难听 Whoa, it sounds way worse when he says it.
但 他说的都是真的 I mean, what he's saying is true.
只不过被他说得很难听 It just sounds worse when he says it.
你即便失败也没关系的 It's okay if you can't do it.
你们还真是小看我了哈 Uh, you quys aren't familiar with my qame.
我懂 这里是学区 Uh, I- I- I- I qet it. You know, it's the district.
是高大上的地方 It's the big leagues
可我还是高大上的提格斯呢 But I'm the Big Teagues.
高大上的提格斯（爱尔兰人） The Big Teagues?
好吧 所以 Yeah, so...
对 这两个事儿我都在跟进 Uh, veah, I'm workinq on that and this,
我会双手搞定的 so I'll figure them both out.
我觉得咱俩 You know, uh, I thought
一会儿可以一起看《引爆》 we could watch"Set It Off"later?
怎么样 行不 Maybe? Yeah?
小时候我爸就给我看过 Mv daddy showed it to me when I was way too young,
我也想让你也体验下 TJ 可以吗 so Ithouqht Iwould do the same for you, TJ, huh?
早上好 早上好 Barbara: Good morning. Good morning.
见过我的人就没有不喜欢我的 You know, everybody who has ever met me
但我怎么觉得TJ是个例外 老师 has loved me, Mrs. Howard, but I don't think TJ does.
你说的不对 塔里克 That's not true, Tariq.
他真的喜欢我吗 He does love me?
好吧 请问你这么做是为了什么 Look, what exactly are you trving to accomplish here?
你知道吗 假如我跟他妈结婚 Well, vou know, I miqht end up being his common- law dad
我可能最终会成为他父亲 if I common- law marry his mom,
所以我想和他搞好关系 so I would like to connect with him
好让我们成为受同居法保护的 so we could be a family for real
真正的一家人 under the common law.
那么你就要跟他 Well, then you're qoing to have
建立一段真诚的关系 to establish a qenuine relationship with him.
每个学年开始时 At the start of every school year
我得花上几周才能真正了解学生 it usually takes me a few weeks to connect with the students
我会先从叫对他们的名字开始 and I start by using their names.
所以 不如你先考虑叫他尼克 So you might consider calling him Nick.
我觉得还是不要随随便便 Mm, I don't think it's a good idea
给小孩换名字 to be making up names for the boy.
也许会把小TJ搞迷糊 You know it miqht confuse little TJ.
尼克是他的真名 Nick is his actual name.
真的吗 It is?
你 早上好 You Good morning.
好的 霍华德老师 再见 Okay, Mrs. Howard. All riqht.
对 每个人都很好 Yeah, evervone's qood. Mm.
格雷戈里成了学生眼里的酷老师 The kids think Greqory's cool now, which...
我完全不觉得受到了威胁 也不会纠结为什么 I'm so glad that I'm secure enough that it doesn't bother me
酷老师是他而不是我 that it's him and not me.
很好 因为通常来说 That's qood because usually- -
对 我完全不觉得受到了威胁 Yeah, I am not threatened at all.
话说 学区那边怎么样了 Anyways, how is it qoing down at the district?
快给我讲讲 Tell me everythinq.
你知道的 就还好啦 Um...you know, they're qood.
挺好的 It's qood.
只不过 Except
帮你找手语翻译那事 I am having a little bit of trouble
遇上了点困难 qetting the ASL interpreter.
但我会继续努力克服的 And I'm qonna fight through it the way I always do,
可我说不好 but I don't know...
感觉那边的规则很不一样 it's iust a different beast over there.
别别别 别有压力 Don't Don't- Don't stress about it.
伊玛尼的父母帮她 Imani's parents helped her
装了一个更好的语音转文本应用 to qet a better speech- to- text proqram,
我的手语也越来越好了 所以 my ASL is qettinq better so...
我可以补上她不懂的内容 I can fill in the gaps.
总之 我们都在努力 Yeah, we are managing.
相信我 学区的风格我太了解了 And believe me- I know how the district is.
是啊 但我现在进了学区 再加上之前老师的身份 Yeah, but I am the district now, and I was a teacher,
所以我明白这有多么不同 soIqet how biq this can be.
不管发生什么 我们都会没事 We'll be qood no matter what,
我保证 I promise.
没事的 It's okay.
好吧 谢谢你这么说 AlI right, well, thanks for saying that.
学区的事务千头万绪 We have so many important thinqs to juqgle at the district.
我逐渐明白 你只能拣最重要的做 I'm learning you iust have to prioritize your time.
我不知道 我也希望招到翻译 I don't know. I- I- I wish I could qet the interpreter...
但是 but.
我好讨厌这种感觉 I iust hate that feelinq.
而且 And- -
C老师 又在讲他的无聊的演出了 Uh- oh, Mr. C recapping one of his boring shows aqain?
我猜猜 不过是些东家长 Let me quess- his stories about Martin Short
西家短的事情 are Martin lonq.
好了 你们都上课去吧 AlI right, y'all qo to class.
-你刚看到了吗 -看到了 Did you see that? Yes, and, you know,
知道吗 你如黑别总拿我开涮 I reallv think they would respect me more
也许他们会更尊重我 if you wouldn't make so manv iokes at my expense.
我说的是伊玛尼 I was talking about Imani.
她对我的笑话怎么反应那么慢 Why she so late on all my jokes?
是她助听器的原因 Oh, it's her hearing aid.
在人群中时 收音不太好 It has issues when she's in a qroup setting,
她只能用平板电脑转录 and so she uses her tablet,
通常会有延迟 which, vou know, takes a second to transcribe.
但总这么延迟 她的学习效果能保证吗 But you can't learn on a tape delav.
我的玩笑效果也不能保证 And I must be experienced live.
珍妮不是在想办法了吗 I thought Janine was helping with all of this
我觉得对她来说太难办 I think it iust qot too hard.
珍妮吗 那个为了能在紧急情况下开校车 For Janine? The person who qot a commercial driver's license
专门去考了个商用驾照的人 so she could drive a bus in case someone went down?
绝对不难 Hell no.
这不是酷老师吗 Ah, if it isn't Joe Cool.
昨晚怎么没来酒吧呀 We missed you at the bar last night.
我昨晚阿佩罗喝多了 I had a few too many Aperol spritzes.
今天的睡意也阿佩罗了 I might need to take a nap- erol spritz.
这个梗你是从珍妮那偷的吧 You stole that ioke from Janine, didn t you?
怎么 你现在成段子警察了吗 What, are you the comedy police now?
我恨你 埃迪老师 I...hate...you...Mr. Eddie!
亲爱的 怎么了 Sweetheart, what is the matter?
迪老师劝贾文和我分手 Mr. Eddie told Javon that he should break up with me!
不不不 我可没那么说 No, no no no, no. I did not say that.
那你怎么说的 Well, what did you say?
贾文说要买条新项链 Um, Javon was talkinq about qetting a new chain,
我只是劝他要专心学习 soItold him that he should iust, you know, focus on school.
他都打算要买新项链了么 He was qonna buy a new chain? !
天 你在逗我么 Okay, are you kidding me? !
我们费了好大功夫 一直想让贾文买条新项链 We've been trying to qet Javon to buv a new chain for months.
旧的那条衬得他像傻帽 The old one made him like a qavone.
我们终于让他相信 这是他自己的主意了 We finally had him convinced it was his idea.
她被恶魔附身了 滚开 撒旦 The devil's got her. Be qone, Satan!
我去把拖把圣水拿来 I'mma qet mv holy mop water.
好了 亲 咱去想想怎么报复他 There, there sweetheart. Let's qo plot our revenqe.
格雷戈里·埃迪 你糟糕的异性相处能力 Greqory Eddie, is no woman safe
全校竟然无人能幸免 from your incompetence with the opposite sex?
格雷戈里 真的无人吗 Well, Greqory? Is no?
无人什么啊 Is no what?
问你自己吧 Exactly.
我得去 I qotta qo...
法拉会没事的 别担心 Farrah qonna be fine. Chill.
她恨你 兄弟 She hates vou, bro.
得了吧 伙计 Oh, come on, man.
好的 好的 听上去不错 Mr. Johnson: Yeah, veah, that sounds qood to me.
我找个安静点的地方啊 I'm qoing someplace more private right now.
不行 别来这里 No, you're not.
我刚挂了一个尼日利亚王子的电话 这都赖你 You iust made me hanq up on a Niqerian princel
你为啥要来我教室 Whv are you in my classroom?
因为只有这间没被窃听 Cause it's the only one that's not buqqed.
你呢 为啥躲这里 Why are you in here hiding, anyway?
很不幸 我被孩子们当成了酷老师 Unfortunatelv, I have become the cool teacher.
你笑完了吗 Are you done?
学生们总来这儿讨论一些 The kids keep coming in here and talking about things
我管也不是不管也不是的话题 that I just don't feel comfortable weighing in on.
欢迎入伙你以为你找我寻求建议时 Join the club. You think I want you coming up to me
我都都很开心吗 askinq for advice all the time?
一 我没这样啊一拜托 I don't do that. Please.
想想看要是没有我你会怎样 Just think where you'd be if it weren't for me...
早都死了 Dead.
喂 你算哪根葱 Hey, where do you qet off?
我是很多女生的情感导师 I qot all these girls coming to me for advice,
多少段青春懵懂的恋情都在我掌握中 I'm managing a million pre- teen relationships,
你干嘛要来坏事啊 and you qo and torpedo everything.
听着 我不想掺和进来的 Look, I didn't want any part of this, okav?
是他们来问我意见的 They came in and they asked me.
他们主动来找你的 They- - They came to you?
把自己说的像个酷老师一样 Like you're some kind of cool teacher or something?
我也看不懂 I'm just as perplexed as you.
我以为学生进来乱放屁就够烦了 Ithought the kids coming in here and farting was bad,
原来还有更烦的 but I see it can be a lot worse.
瞧 他不想扮酷 He doesn't want to be cool.
因为他讨厌孩予 Savs'cause he hates kids.
一个人得到第二次生命时 You'd think a man who's been given a second chance at life
本应把爱传下去才对 miqht want to pay it forward.
好吧 我不讨厌孩子 Okay, I don't hate kids.
我只是不喜欢这种责任 好吧 I just don't want the responsibility, okav?
我更喜欢独处 And I like my alone time.
行吧 没关系 Okav, that's fine.
你可以不做啊 他们又不是你的学生 You don't have to do it. I mean, they're not your kids.
太对了 是的 Right, e- exactlv. Yeah.
我教一年级 这就是我的职责 I teach first graders. That's what I'm here to do.
但在我看来 我是为了孩子们而来 And the wav I look at it is I am here for the kids.
但你要是还想继续躲在这儿 But if you want to qo ahead and hide out in here,
随便你 qo ahead and do it.
总之 你欠我们一条项链 方兹 Either way, you owe us a chain, Fonzie.
很高兴又帮格雷戈里 Glad I could help Greqory
度过了他坎坷一生中的一次危机 with his problem- filled life yet again,
但我很快就要暴富了 but I'm about to become real rich real quick.
为啥我要走啊 Why am I leaving?
等等 你就为这个担心吗 Wait. That's what you're hung up on?
她被U2带走了 我真得看看这电影了 She was taken bv U2? I really need to see this movie.
难以置信 It's unbelievable.
珍妮 珍妮！ Janine! Janine!
不好意思 失陪一下 If you could iust excuse me for a minute.
谢谢 Thanks.
艾娃 现在不方便 Ava, now is not a qood time.
我见自己的内鬼还要预约吗 I don't need to schedule a meeting to see my mole.
我不是你的内鬼 I am not your mole.
这卧底工作做得真不错 姑娘 Wav to keep your cover, qirl.
听着 你得赶快找个手语翻译 Look, you have qot to qet that ASL interpreter.
小伊玛尼课听不懂课 Little Imani is missing out in class,
更糟的是 我的笑话她也听不懂 and even worse, she's missing all my zinqers.
我尽力了 Look, I mean, I- I tried,
但这事影响了我的正常工作 but it was taking me away from thinqs,
一些我需要参与的重要工作 important thinqs that they need my input on,
找翻译的事 似乎没可能了 and, you know, the interpreter just seemed impossible.
我俩本来也没可能做朋友 熟人的 Us being friends... acquaintances- was impossible,
但你做到了 but you made that happen.
这不一样 This is different.
你不知道要填多少文件 There's reallv iust too much red tape.
这不是借口 That's no excuse.
听着 我成功为八年级安排过游戏驿站的实地考察 Look, I qot our 8th graders a field trip to GameStop.
我还让人把宠物鳄鱼带进了学校 I let somebody bring their pet alliqator to school.
艾娃·费斯特现在是火灾隐患的代名词 Ava Fest is a fire hazard.
我赌上过所有人的生命 我依旧会这么做 I've risked evervone's lives, and I will do so aqain,
因为孩子需要我们 because that's what we do for our kids.
好 你先考虑着 Yeah. Now...while you're mulling that over,
我再跟你谈个事情 I have other business to discuss.
我需要几个助理 I'm in need of some assistants.
-什么助理 -不是 Assistance with what? No.
-我需要两个助理 -出去 I need two assistants. Get out.
行吧 Fine.
塔里克现在有儿子了 在芭芭拉的班上 Tariq has a son in Barbara's class.
拜拜 Bve!
来吧 很好 Here we qo. That's right.
再见亲爱的 好好做作业 Bye- bye, darling. Do that homework, now.
好嘞 尼克 All right, Nick.
该收拾东西了 尼克 It's time to pack up your things, Nick.
你可以选择今晚在哪儿吃饭 You qet to choose where we're eating tonight,
只要你选巴哈马微风 as long as you say Bahama Breeze.
我开玩笑的啦 尼克 我们可以去野餐 I'm just playin', Nick. We could do a picnic.
你来选吧 尼克 你说了算 真的 You qet to pick, Nick. It's your call, man. Come on.
这个头开的不错 塔里克 That's a qood start, Tariq.
你得叫我老尼克了 It's actually Nick Sr. now.
你知道吗 You know what?
霍华德老师 你的建议我受益匪浅 Your advice qoes harder than that thang, Mrs. Howard.
你知道吗 You know what?
确实如此 但我必须问问 Yes, it does, Tariq. But I must ask
孩子妈会来接送孩子吗 will the child's mother ever be dropping off and picking up?
不不 她工作很忙 No, no, no, no. She works crazy hours, you know?
总得有人养家吧 Somebodv qotta pav the bills
我现在几乎见不到她 I barely ever see her.
所以你会来送孩子 So you'll be here.
对 一年到头 每天两次 Yeah, twice a day for the rest of the year,
直到 我找到工作 或是认识别人 or until, you know, Ifind a iob or meet somebodv else.
也就是说 我每天都能见到你 So I'll be seeing you every day.
怎么 你觉得我不会再认识其他人吗 Whv, you don't think I could meet somebodv else?
你不能选择自己学生的 You don't qet to choose the parents
父母或者继父母 or stepparents of the children that you teach.
但据说 养孩子需要全村的努力 But they say it takes a villaqe.
可有时候 你们那个村会有一个塔里克 and sometimes, there's a Tariq in your village.
-哟 -嘿 Yo. Hey.
还在四处碰壁吗 You still hitting that brick wall?
去年 一位母亲写信问我 Last year a mom wrote me a letter askinq
能不能在52街和兰开斯特街交口派个警卫 if we could qet a crossing quard at 52nd and Lancaster.
我知道那个交囗 I know that intersection.
我前男友在那被撞过四次 Oh, mv ex qot hit there like four times.
是啊 他一定知道 那里很危险 You see? He knows it's danqerous. Yeah.
在我读完那封信之后 So after I read that letter.
我试遍了所有正当渠道 I went through every proper channel,
总是一无所获 and I just kept coming up empty.
但别忘了 我们邀请你过来 But remember that we brought you here
正是看重你解决问题的创造性 because of your creative problem- solving skills.
学区不看过程 只看结果 The district never asks how you did something,
看 and look.
只要达到目的就行 you just qotta qet it done.
你不会后悔的 It's worth it.
我猜你要迟到了吧 I'm quessing you're qoing to be late?
对 但我也要问你几个问题 不见报的那种 Yes, but I also need to ask you something off the record.
你真的是艾娃安插在学区的内鬼吗 Is this about you being Ava's mole at the district?
我不是艾娃的内鬼 I am not Ava's mole!
这卧底工作真不错 姑娘 Way to keep your cover girl.
我需要你把伊玛尼父母的 I need you to send me the contact information
联系方式发给我 for Imani's parents.
你的门竟然开着 Your door's open?
是的 Yes.
你们要是还想来这玩 随你便 And if you still wanna hanq out in here vou can
但我们得把底线明确好 But we're qonna do it with boundaries.
第一 不许讨论任何感情话题 Number one I don't wanna hear anvthing
或是提到“雌性”这个词 about your relationships or the word"females". v
同意 你的建议很烂耶 Deal. Your advice sucked.
很好 Fair enough.
还有 你们不能干坐着 什么都不做 Also, we're not iust qonna sit around here and do nothing.
我们要学有成效 We're gonna be productive.
我们还能放屁吗 Can we still fart, thouqh?
如果你非要放的话 If vou must.
太好了 因为我刚放了一个 Good, causeIjust did.
在大机构 Sometimes big places
有时很难落实一些小事 make it hard to qet small things done.
为了达成目的 我只能走出办公室 So to find the answer I had to qet out of my office,
抛却繁文缛节 自己去找办法 stop fillinq out paperwork, and go out on my own.
学区一向对负面报道避之不及 I thought about how much the district hates bad publicity
而伊玛尼父母不知从哪儿得到了消息 and somehow word got to Imani's parents
如果他们能委婉威胁学区 that if they qentlv threatened to go to a reporter
把这事反映给一个跟学区有过节的记者 who has a bone to pick with the district,
我们就能更快看到结果 we miqht see speedier results.
瞧 And voila.
突然之间 伊玛尼在阿伯特小学 All of a sudden, Imani has
就有了一位合格的手语翻译 a qualified ASL interpreter at Abbott.
出乎意料的最后那一点努力 It's that last bit of effort
往往会收获最多 that no one expects that tends to mean the most.
这份工作没要求我们关心他人 但我们还是会这么做 We don't qet paid to care...but we do it anyway.
雌性柱头收集花粉 So the female stigma collects pollen.
你自己都说“雌性”了 You said"females".
我们这样做是为了同事 朋友 We do it for our co- workers our friends.
为了孩子们 and we do it for the kids.
我想 我们也是为了我们自己 We do it for ourselves too I guess
因为正如利亚姆·尼森在《飓风营救》三部曲中所说 because much like Liam Neeson in"Taken"1, 2, and 3,
这是我们的本能 we kinda can't help it.
其实 我一部都没看过 Still haven't seen any of them, bv the way.
能跟你聊两句吗 法官大人 Hey. Uh, couldIqet a word with you, Your Honor?
你可以走上前来 You may approach the bench.
好吧 你也知道 Okay, so you know,
我长子目前在贵校就读 with mv firstborn son coming here and everything,
我认为我应该 I think it's a qood time for me to step up,
成立一个PTA(家长教师协会) and, you know, start a PTA.
就你 塔里克 还想成立一个家长教师协会 You, Tariq, want to start a Parent Teacher Association?
不不不 No, no, no, no.
我是指家长塔里克联盟 Uh, a Parent Tariq Alliance, actuallv.
但你刚那个主意听起来不错 But what you said sounds qood.
就这么叫吧 然后让大家 We should iust call it that and qet people in the- -
该死 我无儿无女的前女友来了 Oh, damn. Here qo my childless ex.
珍妮 今天别拿我开涮 好吗 Janine, don't be trying to spin the block on me today, okay?
我现在有家庭了 I qot a family now.
我是来工作的 I am here for work.
我看她是来挽回你的 Yeah, more like working her way back into your life.
太对了， Exactly, period.
我最近刚当上爹 So, uh, with me being a new father and everything
所以在考虑 要不要成立一个PTA I was thinking, what if I start a PTA?
不行 艾娃 不能让他成立塔里克家长联盟 No. Ava, the Parent Tariq Alliance cannot happen, okav?
-什么 -不 What No.
我明白你为什么和她分手了 I see why you broke up with her.
不可能的 Not what happened.