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快看这个新来的代课老师 Check out the new sub. Oof.
小领结 不是好兆头 Little bow tie. That does not bode well.
我不敢苟同 Uh, I beg to differ.
你知道打领结有多难吗 You know how hard it is to tie one of those?
这家伙今天努力克服了一次 That man has already persevered once today.
我觉得他有两下子 I think he got this.
-早上好 兄弟 -好吧 Grand rising, brother...AlI right.
姐妹 sister...Mm.
还有女士 and ma'am.
我是伊森·乔伊纳 二年级的代课老师 I'm Ethan Joyner, subbing for the second grade.
谢谢你能过来 Thanks for coming in.
你的教室就在走廊左拐第一间 You'll be right down the hall and on the left
好的 谢谢你 Okay. Thank you.
到不了午餐前 He will be selling bean pies
他就会在熙熙攘攘的车流中卖豆饼了 betwixt lanes of traffic before lunch.
我赌五块 他撑不到课间休息 Five bucks that he's gone by the end of recess.
哟呵 格雷戈里今天需要一场胜利 You know what? Gregory really needs a win today.
-赌就赌 -好嘞 I'll take that bet. All right.
我刚闻到一股 I just smelled a smelly smell
闻所未闻的臭味 而且 that I've never s- smelled before, and- -
门把手好粘啊 and the doorknobs are so sticky!
差点粘掉了我几个指纹 I think I just lost a couple fingerprints.
我忘了 I forgot.
我的梦想其实是当律师 I actually want to be a lawyer.
但孩子们还没来呢 But the kids ain't even here yet.
竟然是领夹 It's a clip- on!
一场真正的领结骗局 嗯哼 A real bow- tie bamboozle. Mm- hmm.
今晚想去红宝石酒吧喝一杯吗 You want to get a drink at Rubies tonight?
好的 同意 Uh, yeah. I'm down.
你们昨天没去塞布丽娜酒吧吗 Did y'all not check out Sabrina's yesterday?
-去了啊 -你们没提我名字吗 Oh, we did. Yeah. Did you mention my name?
是啊 员工们的反应非常激烈 Yeah. The staff had a really loaded reaction.
但我敢说你们不用付账 Bet you didn't have to pay, though.
金钱上是不用 但情感上就不好说了 Monetarily? No. Emotionally, however...
你最近真成交际花了 You know, you're a real social butterfly lately.
让我想起了自己当年为了逃避问题 Takes me back to when I used to stay out all night
在外夜夜笙歌的曰子 to avoid my problems.
但那是上周的事了 But that was last week.
老嫂子风光不减 Old gal still got it, huh?
我是说小妹子 I mean young maiden.
这就是我们的风格 老梅儿 Hey, that's how we roll, Mel Mel.
搞砸了 再救回来 Dudin' it up. Blokin it back
打个哈哈 Bro- ing it down.
认真地吗 Really?
我们以前是三个火枪手 Mr. Johnson: We used to be the Three Musketeers.
现在只剩我一个了 But now Im one musketeer,
这俩狗崽子啥活动都不邀请我 and they re just two that don't invite me to things.
嘿 你好吗 Hey, there. How you doing?
我是梅丽莎·谢门提 I'm Melissa Schemmenti.
另一个二年级老师 I'm the other second grade teacher,
就想过来打个招呼 so I just wanted to pop over and say hi
让你知道我就在对面 and let you know I'm right across the hall
-谢谢 -万一你需要什么的话 Thanks. in case you need anything.
好的 我这边也不该有问题 Okay. I doubt I'll have any issues.
我也曾是个孩子 对付十几个我还是小意思 I used to be a kid. I think I can handle a dozen me's.
但你知道 这是所公立学校 Well, you know, this is a public school,
所以会有30多个你 so there's gonna be like 30 of youse there.
30个 Thirty?
也就是10人3组 That's three groups of ten.
你已经有资格在这里教课了 Hey, you're qualified to take classes here.
-谢谢你来看我 -没事 Yeah. Well, thanks for checking in. Yeah.
我会是这里有史以来最好的临时工 I'm gonna be the best temp these parts have ever seen.
你是指代课老师吧 You mean sub.
对 就是指代课老师 I did mean sub. Yeah.
但不是所有人都能记住那个特定的词 But not all of us can remember the right words every time.
你当代课老师多久了 Um, how long you been a sub?
从我拿到礼品卡 Ever since I got my gift card- -
礼品券 教师资格证就考开始了 gift certificate- teaching certificate.
教书 感觉像是上天的恩赐 Teaching...feels like a gift.
好的 同学们 今天表现不错 Okay, y'all. Good job today.
记住 练习比家庭作业更重要 And remember, practicing is more important than your homework.
你们老师如果有异议 And if any of your teachers disagree,
我可以解雇他们的 Ican and will fire them.
这个体育馆希望能让大家满意 Well, I hope the gym is to everyone's liking.
这里的音响效果很不错 I find the acoustics to be delicious.
霍华德教友 稍加练习 Well, Sister Howard, with a little practice,
我们的声音会比你的口红还鲜亮 our voices will ring louder than that lipstick of yours.
我们教堂的唱诗班要在学校体育馆排练 My church choir is going to be rehearsing in the school gym
因为教堂排练室长了霉菌 because they found mold in the church rehearsal room.
所以我大发慈悲 让她们来用 So I'm graciously letting them use
新命名的艾娃·科尔曼纪念休育馆 the freshly named Ava Coleman Memorial Coliseum
以一个昂贵但挺合理的租金 for a very reasonable yet expensive price.
好了 唱诗班 AlI right, choir.
即将宣布胜利之爱音乐会的 The announcement of the closing number
闭幕曲日 for the Triumphant Love Concert.
经过慎重考虑和协商 After careful deliberation and consultation,
我们决定演唱《束缚》 we are going to sing Shackles. "
哦 想想看 Oh! Just imagine
一个女人要同时演绎两个玛丽 One woman will harness the power of two Marys!
说得对 霍华德修女 没错 Right you are, Sister Howard. Yes!
我们都知道 只有一个女人 And we all know there's only one woman
能用歌声让我们置身于悠扬的牧场 who can lead us through those melodious pastures. Yes.
希拉 Sheila!
-恭喜你 希拉 -额 Congratu lations, Sheila. Ava: Ooh, ooh.
你们听过《束缚》和《酣畅淋漓》 Have y'all heard the mash- up
的混音吗 between "Shackles"and"Poundtown"?
你们都想不到她是解开了什么枷锁 You are not gonna believe what she took the shackles off of.
猜猜看 Guess.
啊 我喜欢这里 Ah! I love it here!
就像《欢乐酒店》一样 只不过没人知道我的名字 It's like"Cheers"- - except nobody knows my name.
嘿 我要去结账了 Hey. I'm gonna go close out.
这就结账了 别这样朋友 Oh, close out? Not so fast, mon frere.
我想再喝一轮 I'm trying to get another round!
喝水就行 这里的酒有点贵 Of water. The drinks here are a wee bit pricy.
明天还要上课 你不觉得有点晚了吗 Don't you think it's getting a little late for a school night?
没关系 It's okay.
我明天多喝点咖啡就好 I will caffeinate to the gods tomorrow.
再说了 我觉得扎克还没睡 Besides, I think Zach's still awake,
所以我想等他睡着 so I kind of want to wait that out.
怎么了 你俩吵架了 Oh, what's going on? You all in a fight?
没人告诉过你 基佬的事少插手吗 Didn't nobody tell you to stay out of gay folks' business?
拜托 你知道这不一样 Now, you know that's not the same.
行吧 Fine.
是 我们最近吵得更凶了 Yeah, we've we've been arguing a bit more lately,
但这很正常 but that's normal.
情侣都有蜜月阶段 You have your honeymoon phase
然后是“生不如死”阶段 and then your"I'm in Hell" phase
然后是“看来咱俩无解”阶段 and then"I guess we're stuck here"phase.
然后你们结婚 走向死亡 And then you get married, and then you die.
这种情况持续多久了 Well, how long has this been going on?
嗯 有一个月了吧 Mm, about a month.
等等 不 这都二月底了 Wait. No. February is almost over.
所以我觉得 有七个月 So...I'd say seven months.
七个月 Seven months?
我觉得我们是无聊了 We're bored, I guess.
我们可以一整天都不说话 We go entire days without talking.
真说话的时候 只是在假装 And when we do, we're just kind of pretending
我们仍然喜欢对方 to still be into each other.
我们要是不无聊了 意味着争吵的开始 And when we're not bored, we're bickering.
很难讲 就是 走不下去 I don't know. It's just- - It's not working.
就像一部DC电影一样 It's like a DC movie over here.
我不想多管闲事 I- I don't want to overstep,
但都这么久了 你要是连家都不想回 but at this point, if you're avoiding going home,
也许该考虑分手了 you might want to consider breaking up.
被你这么一说 Well, when you put it like that,
看来答案显而易见了 I guess it's pretty obvious, huh?
哦 真棒 Oh! Nice!
我打中了 I got one!
解开我脚上的镣铐 让我尽情起舞 Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
我只想赞美你 I just want to praise You
你要怎么做 What you gonna do?
-我会赞美你 -天呐 芭布 I'm gonna praise You Damn, Barbl
那个独唱就该是你的 You were robbed of that solo.
西普教友会让她觉得唱得最好的人 Sister Sipp picks who she thinks should sing the solos
来唱独唱 based upon who she thinks is gonna sing it best.
巧的是 这个人从来都不是我 And it just so happens it's never me.
这就像我的姐妹会样 That's just like my sorority.
你要是不去拍贱女孩的马屁 If you're not cool with the mean girls,
她们会一直把你放在舞台剧的后面 they'll have you all the way at the back of the step show
就像婚礼上的怪蜀黍 like the creepy uncle at a wedding.
但这两者是不同的 But this is different.
唱诗班不就是上帝的姐妹会吗 What is a choir if not a sorority for the Lord?
我虽然不同意 但我懂你意思 While I do not agree, I see your point.
下次排练时 问问你自己想要什么 At the next rehearsal you need to ask for what you want.
你得一登场 就一副“非老娘莫属”的样子 You got to walk in there like "I am that girl.
非本女人莫属 I am that woman.
非老娘 That girl
非本女士莫属 I am that lady.
传达出来的感觉不一样 It's just that that doesn't really hit the same.
老娘 That girl.
-老娘 -对了 That girl. Yes.
这里还好吗 Is everything all right? !
当然好 For sure.
我一直在运用书本上的策略 Been using tactics I read in a book I heard.
你懂的 有时候感觉他们的老师是我 You know, sometimes it feels like I'm the one teaching them.
你说你的教师资格证是哪里考的来着 Where did you say you got your teacher's certification?
我没有 I didn't.
你没有教师资格证 You didn't get your certification?
不是 我是说我没说话 你想一起吗 No, I didn't say. Hey, you want to get in on this?
不能收他们的费用 We can't bill them.
嗨梅丽莎 听着 我忙着呢 Hey, Melissa. Look, I'm completely underwater
我现在要做一个不可能的决定 and just in the middle of an impossible decision right now.
-怎么了 -好 What's up? Okay.
你们班的代课老师是个骗子 There's a phony subbing for your class.
天呢 孩子们没事吧 Oh, my goodness. Are the kids okay?
没事 但这个人肯定没有 Yeah, they're fine, but there is no way
教师资格证 this person has a teaching certificate.
梅丽莎 你确定吗 Melissa, are you sure?
我刚找了上一个代课老师的麻烦 不能再来一次了 I mean, I cannot be weird about another sub.
拜托 帮我查查卡西迪·杰弗里吧 Please just look up Cassidy Jeffrey for me.
行 但你欠我一个人情哦 Okay. But you owe me one.
挂了 I'm hanging up now.
好 All right.
正是因为我大胆决策 才坐到现在的位置 I didn't get in this position by shying away from bold choices.
给我点个华尔道夫沙拉 多加葡萄 Put me down for the Waldorf salad, extra grapes.
我去 珍妮 你又做到了 Damn it, Janine. You've done it again.
甜甜圈会要了你的命的 Them doughnuts are gonna kill you.
你知道吧 Mm- hmm. You know that, right?
别这么八卦 Witchyo nosy ass.
-我做到了 -你和他分手了 Well, I did it You broke up with him?
什么 没有 我不会这么做的 What? No. Never.
我启动了“让他先提分手”计划 I started the process of getting him to break up with me.
你和他说你在这段关系里不开心 By telling him that you're unhappy in the relationship?
不是 Uh, no.
是做一此我知道他不喜欢的事情 By doing things that I know he doesn't like.
比如 我刚才下车时 For example, when I just got out of the car right now,
没有和他说再见 I did not say goodbye.
他最烦这个了 He hates that.
也就是说 你啥也没做 So you did nothing.
相信我 这不叫啥也没做 好吗 Trust me, this is not nothing, okay?
以我对他的了解 他现在肯定气炸了 If I know him, he is absolutely fuming right now.
我都不忍心看 I can't watch.
-嘿 兄弟 有时间吗 -呃 我有点忙 Hey, man, you got a second? Uh, I'm kind of busy.
我得把霉霉的演唱会看完 I got to finish watching the Eras Tour.
要是扎克知道我没和他一起看 When Zach finds out I watched it without him,
我俩肯定得闹翻 we are gonna have bad blood.
-我说我俩要闹翻 -对 我听见了 那什么 I said we're gonna have bad Yeah, I heard you. Um, look.
我觉得你这么下去 I don't think you're gonna end up
你不会开心的 feeling really good about what you're doing here.
是啊 我确实很难受 I don't. I feel terrible.
那你为什么还这么做 Then why are you doing it?
因为我爱扎克 Because I love Zach,
如果我和他分手 他会崩溃的 and if I break up with him, it will crush him.
所以我这么做是为了他好 And so I'm doing this for him.
好吧 Okay.
或许我不该插手基佬的事 Maybe Ishould stay out of gay folks'business,
但你不会真的觉得这么做有用吧 but you can t actually think this is gonna work.
肯定一下我是会要了你的命还是怎么着 Would some positive reinforcement kill you?
我永远不会先提分手的好吧 I have never broken up with someone, okay?
我都不知道怎么提 I don t even know how to do it.
呃 嘿 扎克 我俩都不开心 Uh, "Hey, Zach, neither of us is happy,
或许我们应该分手 and so I think we should break up"?
-差不多就是这样 -呵 你知道什么 That's pretty much exactly it. Well, you would know.
比我被甩更多次的人 You're, like, the only person
也就只有你了吧 who's been dumped more times than I have.
我不会再关心这事儿了 My time for caring about this has expired.
-等等 -不不不 Wait. No, no, no.
你要说的已经说了 我听得很清楚 You said what you said. I heard you.
我 I...Mm- hmm.
查到什么了 亲 What do you got for me, kid?
我不但没有查到卡西迪·杰弗里的代课资格证 Not only can I not find a sub cert for Cassidy Jeffrey
甚至没在系统里查到卡西迪·杰弗里这个人 there's not even a Cassidy Jeffrey in the system
我就知道 好 I knew it. Okay.
你现在是不是要过来收拾她了 Are you on your way down here now to bury their ass?
别着急 好吧 Just hold your horsies, okay?
我有空的时候就过去 学区需要我 I will be there when I can, but they need me here.
什么 What- -
不好意思 这电话不能不接 Oh, sorry. I had to take that call.
我们看到是你打过去的 We saw you dial.
艾米丽 你闭嘴吧 Emily, I swear to God
芭芭拉 你是又打了个新耳洞吗 Barbara, is that a new ear piercing I see?
个 斯洛斯教友 还是以前那一个 No, Sister Sloss. It's the same one.
你是说以前那几个 You mean the same several.
开始之前 我想毛遂自荐 Before we begin, Id like to throw my hat in the ring
竞选一下《束缚》的主唱 as lead singer on"Shackles. "
我参加唱诗班已经有一段时间了 I've been in the choir for quite some time now,
觉得应该给我一个机会 and Ithink that I deserve a chance.
这虽然不太正统 Well, that's rather unorthodox,
但我不该说我有点惊讶 but I shouldn't. say I'm surprised.
为了让我们更好地了解你的演唱风格 In order for us to get a better sense of your vocal stylings,
不如唱一首《快乐日》吧 why don't you sing"OHappy Day"?
哟 没想到啊 Oh. A curveball.
噢快乐的一天 O happy day- -
谢谢 Thank you!
真好听 That was beautiful.
但是《束缚》的音高更适合希拉 However, Shackles”is more in Sheila's key,
所以还是让她来当主唱吧 so I think we'll stick with her.
我明白 I understand.
我不明白 I don't.
这一次不是因为我没认真听 And this time it's not because I wasn't paying attention.
艾娃 拜托了 别激动 Ava, please. Just calm down.
不行 她们别想在我的体育馆里睁眼说瞎话 Nah! Cause they ain't gonna be lying in my coliseum.
不 不 她们已经决定了 No, no. They have made up their minds.
没关系的 It's fine.
搞笑 我又不是没听过希拉唱歌 This is ridiculous. I've heard Sheila sing.
她的那些处理方法根本不对 What she does to those songs, it's not right.
不符合上帝的旨意 It's not of the Lord.
是 有的时候她唱得确实像 Well, sometimes she does sound like
她被钉在了十字架上 she's the one up on the cross.
这个好 回去说给她们听 That's a good one. Let's go back in and say that.
别 No.
艾娃 我努力过了 就这样吧 Ava, I tried. Let's just leave it alone.
我的计划运行得完美无瑕 Well, the plan continues to work flawlessly.
昨天晚上 我把火力集中在了我们一室公寓里 Last night, I focused on the most passive- aggressive room
最消极抵抗的空间 厨房 in our one- bedroom apartment- the kitchen.
我没拧干海绵 I didn't squeeze out the sponge.
微波炉的门也没关 I left the microwave door open.
这还不够 我还做了吐司 As if that wasn't enough, I made toast.
我拿出一把刀抹黄油 I took a knife, and I spread the butter,
再用同一把刀抹了果酱 and then I took that same knife and I got some jelly.
所有东西用完都不收拾 咬了一大口吐司 I left everything out, and then I took a big old bite.
把面包屑弄得到处都是 Crumbs, like, everywhere.
我如此擅长这一切 真有点恐怖 It's frightening how good I am at all of this.
我 我被自己吓到了 It's, um...I'ms- - I'm scaring myself.
好 速战速决 AlI right. We got to do this quickly.
刚从早会上溜了出来 Pulled out of an early meeting.
我和他们说要去给停车计时器缴费 Told them I had to go feed the meter.
你们不是有停车场吗 Don't you guys have a parking lot?
他们知道我在撒谎啦 准备好了吗 They knew I was lying. Ready?
当然 Oh, absolutely.
你知道 大部分人会随着时间推移冷静下来 You know, most people calm down over time,
而我只会变得更生气 更没有理智 but I just get angrier and less rational.
真让人担心 That's concerning.
你好 梅丽莎 这位是 Oh. Hello, Melissa and-
你最可怕的噩梦 别演了 杰弗里 Your worst nightmare. The jig is up, Jeffrey.
我在学区工作 I actually work at the school district.
猜猜谁不在代课老师资料库里 And guess who isn't in the substitute database?
-谁啊 -你啊 Who? You.
我没明白你在说什么 I don't know what you're talking about.
我在全费城都代过课 I've subbed all over Philly.
是吗 哪些学校 Oh, yeah? What schools?
华盛顿 杰斐逊 罗斯福 Washington. Jefferson. Roosevelt
麦金莱 又去了罗斯福 McKinley. Roosevelt again.
好吧 你说的都是总统的名字 Okay. You're just naming presidents.
-你可以滚了 -对 You're out of here. Yeah.
我查了学区的 I've searched every employment file
所有员工档案 没有找到 that the district has, and there's no record
一个叫卡西迪 of a Cassidy
是杰奥弗里吗 Is it"Gee- oh- free"?
发音是杰弗里 It's pronounced "Jeffrey. "
但拼法不一样 对吧 But it isn't spelled that way, now, is it?
我想要是我拼对了的话 And- - And I bet if I spelled it correctly
学区里是有你的档案的 that there would be a record of you at the district.
你这次真有点越界了 Yeah, you really stepped in it this time,
对吧 提格斯 didn't you, Teagues?
这是德国拼法吗 So, is that the German spelling?
是 Ja
终于快要结束了 It's finally gonna be over soon.
扎克刚给我发了信息 说要和我聊聊 Zach just sent a text that said, "We need to talk, "
他马上就要过来了 and he should be here momentarily.
你不应该怀疑我的 You shouldn't have doubted me.
我的方法成了 你的方法剩了 My plan worked, and your plan shorked.
这啥说法 我只是来拿我忘在这里的笔 Not a word. I just came to get my pen I forgot.
嘿 格雷戈里 Hey, Gregoryl
嘿 扎克 我就是来拿笔的 马上就走 Oh, hey, Zach. I just came to grab my pen and I'll be out.
你的短信听起来 You seemed really, uh, stressed
很焦虑 你想聊什么 in your text. What did you want to talk about?
雅各布 我最近很沮丧也很困惑 Jacob, I've been rather frustrated and confused.
看上去确实又沮丧又困惑 Well, that seems really...frustrating and confusing.
你不应该有这种感觉的 And you don't deserve to feel that way.
老哥 让我拿一下 My brother, if I could just- -
雅各布 我没想到我们会发展到这个地步 Jacob, I didn't think it would come to this,
但我想我们应该去做个伴侣心理咨询 but I think we should go to couples counseling.
我想和你分手 I wanna break upl
所以我才不跟你们搞三个火枪手 This is exactly why I'm not in a throuple.
-你想分手 什么 -你想分手 什么 You want to break up? What? You want to break up? What?
雅各布 你刚才说你想分手 Jacob, you said you wanted to break up.
你确定不是你先说的吗 Are you sure you didn't say it first?
我觉得好像是你先说的 Because I- I think you did.
如果你想分手的话 我完全理解 And if that's the case, I- I totally understand.
很高兴你终于说出来了 I'm glad you got that off your chest.
雅各布 你怎么了 Jacob, what's going on?
你要和我分手吗 Are you breaking up with me?
对 我觉得 Yes. I don't think
我们不应该再继续了 we should be together.
对不起 I'm sorry.
我们已经不开心很久了 对吗 We haven't been happy for a long time, okay?
我有这种感觉 我知道你也有 I felt it. I know you felt it.
我想我们谁也不愿意承认 I don't think either of us wanted to admit
这才是对的选择 that this is what needs to happen.
要让我说大实话的话 在我心底 In my heart of hearts, if I'm being completely honest
或许我提出要做伴侣治疗 maybe I just brought up couples therapy
不过是因为我太害怕撕下创口贴了 because I was too afraid to rip off the bandage.
太难受了 This sucks.
我想说 谢谢你的坦诚 I mean thank you for being upfront
这需要勇气 That took guts.
这 也不用这么夸我 Well...don't give me too much credit.
我 我很害怕 I've...I've been so scared.
我一直在试着让你先提出分手 I've been trying to get you to break up with me.
等等 什么 Sorry. What?
其实 其实很搞笑的 Well, actually, it's- it's really funny.
因为我一直在找办法让你抓狂 Like, because I ve been trying to drive you nuts
这样你才会和我分手 so that you would break up with me.
所以你最近每种调味品都买两份是吧 Is that why you've been buying two of every condiment
我们家冰箱和橱柜根本塞不下 despite our limited fridge and cabinet space?
不 这真是无心之失 No. That was- - That was a genuine mistake
每一次都是 each and every time.
但是 其它事情可以说都是我故意的 But, uh, everything else was kinda on purpose.
雅各布·希尔 你个变态 Jacob Hill, you sick bitch
你激怒了我内心的克拉肯 You just released the kraken.
嗷呜 Ca- caw!
克拉肯不是鸟啦 是个海妖 The kraken isn't a bird. It's a sea mons
别说话 可爱的王子 Quiet, sweet prince.
我不用再听你说这些了 I don't have to care about that anymore.
告诉你哦 你的科普小知识都好无聊 And FYI Your facts were never fun,
堆肥也很恶心 composting is disgusting,
在知识问答夜 都是你拖了我们队的后腿 and you held our team back at trivia night.
天啦撸 Oh, my God
你是对的 Jacob: You were right.
是哦 I was.
我应该马上和他说的 I should have talked to him immediately.
确实 You should've
你回来安慰我了 You came back for me.
我回来拿我的笔 Came back for my pen.
对 我确实不止那一支笔 Yeah, I guess I do have other pens.
你来啦 Oh. There you are.
这是体育馆的钥匙 Here is the key to the gym.
我不想再待在那里 偷听老太太们 I will not be sticking around to overhear those old biddies
祈祷马路牙子能别那么高了 praying for the curbs to stop being so high.
谢谢 艾娃 Thanks, Ava.
我知道为什么联谊会姐妹们都不喜欢我 I know why my sorority sisters don't like me.
但为什么那些教会女士不喜欢你呢 芭布 But why don't those church ladies like you, Barb?
我对她们来说太时髦了 I'm too modemn for them.
在她们眼里不够基督教徒 I am not Christian enough for them.
就因为你打了几个耳洞 All because you got a few piercings?
要说谁会愿意自己身上多出了几个洞 If anybody can appreciate a few extra holes
那肯定是耶稣呀 in their bodies, it's Jesus.
不止是耳洞的事 It is not just about the piercings.
是因为我和杰拉尔德去爵士之夜 It is the jazz nights with Gerald.
是因为在全包游轮上 It's the all- inclusive cruises
海洋芭芭拉露出了她的小脑袋 where Sea Barbara pokes her little head out.
更不用说 And not to mention that
我和阿伯特小学比我更张扬的老师做了朋友 I'm friends with some of Abbott's more colorful teachers.
她们这么对你 Why do you even want to be part of that choir
你为什么还想留在唱诗班 if that's how they treat you?
因为我歌唱时 觉得那是离上帝最近的时刻 Because when Im siging, that's when I feel closest to God.
孩子还小的时候 平衡那么多事情 And...when my kids were younger, you know, balancing it all,
非常辛苦 it was it was rough.
有一天 我偷懒没有去教堂 So one day I didn't go to church.
接下来一个星期 我们都没有去教堂 And then the next week, we didn't go to church.
我就开始想 And Ijust started to think
要不我干脆不去算了 这意味着什么呢 if Icould just give it all up like that, what does that mean?
然后我开始质疑自己的信仰 Then I started questioning my faith altogether.
有一天 我在电台上听见了《束缚》 And then one day, I heard "Shackles" on the radio.
这首歌 哟呵 它让我重新回到了教堂里 And that song ooh! it brought me back to church.
你们的信心经过试验就生忍耐 "The testing of your faith produces perseverance. "
你也会引用圣经了 Not you quoting scripture.
上帝确实以神秘的方式在作为 Lord, He does work in mysterious ways.
也没那么神秘 Not that mysterious.
你觉得一个免费发钱还送盘子的地方 You thought they could keep me away from a place
我能不去吗 that passes out free money on a free plate?
你知道吗 艾娃 你是对的 You know something, Ava? You are right
上帝让我坚持忍耐 Ah. The Lord wants me to persevere.
袖想让我讲述这个故事 He wants me to tell that story.
对 Yes!
讲述这个故事 Tell that story.
我根本不是这个意思呀 That's not what I meant at all.
嘿 怎么样兄弟 Hey. How we doing, buddy?
不太好 我才发现扎克报复心很重 Not great. Turns out Zach is the vengeful type.
他把我所有会缩水的东西都弄小了 He shrunk all of my shrinkables,
几乎没有一件毛衣幸存 which is pretty much every sweater I own.
我不但要买新衣服 And not only do I need new clothes,
还得找个新住处 留给我的时间不多了 but I also have to find a new apartment- and soon.
扎克已经开始写我的独白戏了 Zach has already started writing a one- man show about me.
名字叫邋遢佬 再加个基 He's calling it "Fleabag, "but with an"F"
邋遢老鸡 "Fleafaf"?
不是 No.
你俩真恶心 I am so sick of you two.
不如今晚去鲁本斯坦酒吧吧 Um, why don't we go to Rubensteins tonight?
我得教你怎么扔飞镖 I should probably teach you how to throw darts
免得你把别人弄瞎 so you don't take somebody's eye out.
可以叫上珍妮 We can invite Janine.
好啊 挺好的 Yeah. That sounds nice.
能帮我拿一下麦片吗 Hey, can- - can you grab that granola for me?
在柜子最上面 我这 不太方便 It's on the top shelf, and I've got this...situation happening.
我刚和代课老师道了歉 Just came from apologizing to the sub.
挺顺利的 Oh. It went well,
但他要向学区投诉 but they are filing a complaint with the school district.
希望他会把我的名字拼错吧 Just hope they spell Teagues with two G's.
不好意思我把你牵扯了进来 I'm sorry Iroped you into this whole thing.
我不知道 可能是因为我现在只带一个班 I don't know whether it's³cause I'm down to one class
也可能是我成天一个人在家 or I'm home by myself all the time now or- -
谁知道呢 也可能我就是无聊了吧 I don't know- - maybe I'm just plain bored.
可能你是怀念我们俩搭档玩闹的 Maybe you just miss getting into classic high jinks
日子呢 with you and me.
不是 不是啦 Nah. That's not it.
就是我无聊而已 It's the bored thing.
你告诉她们 So, did you tell them
为什么《束缚》对你意义重大了吗 why"Shackles"was so important to you?
说了 她们不为所动 I did. They were unmoved.
我就知道她们不会听的 I knew they wouldn't go for it.
教会女士 联谊会姐妹 Church ladies, sorority sisters,
皮肤科医生办公室工作过的所有人 everyone who's ever worked at a dermatologist's office- -
都是一个样 They're all the same.
你知道吗 没关系的 You know what? It's all right.
我已经学会珍惜我拥有的那么多的幸福了 I've learned not to overlook my many blessings.
而且 我还是能表演一首对我有重要意义的歌 Besides, I still get to perform a song that means so much to me.
你能表演两次 And you get to do it twice.
什么意思 What do you mean?
我为芭布准备了一场独唱会 给她个惊喜 I threw together this little surprise recital for Barb,
因为显然 用钥匙划伤教会女士的车也太不合适了 because apparently you can't key a church lady's car anymore?
去吧 Well, go on in.
-这里可真热 -加油姐妹 It sure is hot out here. Go, girl.
但我不介意 I don't mind, though.
我只为了自由高兴 I'm just glad to be free.
你懂吗 Know what I'm sayin? Unh!
取下脚上的束缚 我要起舞 Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
我只想赞美你 我只想赞美你 I just want to praise You
在我脑海的角落里 我似乎找不到 In the corners of my mind, I just can't seem to find
一个相信自己能挣脱束缚的理由 A reason to believe that I can break free
因为你看 我已消沉太久 Cause, you see, I have been down for so long
感觉所有希望都已破灭 Feel like all hope was gone
但当我举起双手 我明白 But as I lift my hands, I understand
身处逆境也应赞美你 That I should praise You through my circumstance
我都想加入教会了 This is making me want to rejoin the Church- -
-后期圣徒教 -我要起舞 of Latter- day Saints. So I can dance
我只想赞美你 Just want to praise You
我应该告诉芭芭拉只唱一首歌的 I should've told Barbara to stick to one song.
她把所有会唱的都唱了一遍 She's going through her whole discography.
从《我们必将胜利》唱到 We've heard everything from"We Shall Overcome"
《我这小小的光芒》 to "This Little Light of Mine
不能再没完没了地唱这些教会歌曲了 We can't keep going on with all this biblical talk.
上帝啊 这可是公立学校 This is a public school, for God's sake.
下一个音叫作哨音 Barbara: Now, this next note is called a whistle tone.
你们的第一反应可能是捂耳朵 Your first instinct might be to cover your ears.
别捂 Don't. Ahhh
嘿 芭布 嘿 你会唱《离开吧摩西》吗 Hey, Barb. Hey. Do you know"Go Down, Moses"?
当然 Oh, yes.
因为我需要你放大家离开 Cause I'mma need you to let my people go.
好耶 Oh, yeah!
谢谢 谢谢 Thank you. Thank you.